My Month of No Alcohol: A Review of Alcohol-Free Drinks
I know, I know. A British person who managed to stay sober for an entire month. Must be some sort of super human. But I wanted to do it, partly as a challenge to myself (I haven’t had a straight sober month since I was fucking 15!) and partly to see what going out is like as a single sober guy.
The Experience
In truth, it sucked. Especially when you’re surrounded by others drinking and having a good time and you’re sat there like “mmmmm, bed would be nice right now”. I’m also a big fan of rum and last christmas was bountiful for this nectar of pirates and gods. The bottles are staring at me right now as I type this and the temptation to pour myself a drop of Bumbu Creme is as strong as my sober desire to sleep in a pub.
But…I made it! This Wednesday (26th March) is my last day of no drinks since 1st March, and I can’t see myself failing now. I’m glad I did this but I definitely can’t see myself repeating it again unless someone is willing to fund my adventures into sobriety for the foreseeable future.
My Review
So I thought, hey why not. Now that I’m near the end, I’ll re-cap and review some of the alcohol-free beers and ciders I tried this past month. This is by no means a solid or well-thought out review, so if I branded your favourite tipple as shit, please kindly put your glass of water and avocado toast down before emailing me in a fit of rage. Kindest regards.
Erdinger Alkoholfrei - 5/5
THIS ONE IS THE GOAT! It’s got flavour, bottled, cheap (in most places) and still has the German Weissbier vibe. Honestly, this needs to be stocked in more places as I only found it in fucking Aldi and some random bars. Get this if you can.
Guinness Zero - 4/5
This one is dope. The first time I tried some my dad left around the house, I honestly had to crack open a can of real Guinness to tell the difference. The flavour is almost identical and the “mind trick” that comes with all alcohol-free drinks (where you feel tipsy when drinking them even though there’s no alcohol in them) is very present.
It’s no challenger to the ol reliable, draft-poured pint of black gold and the fact that it always comes in a can sucks balls, but it’s a solid pick for a sober St Paddies day or rugby game.
Permanent Vacation - 4/5
Another solid pick. I love craft beers and IPAs (again, I know) and this is all that in a can without the loopy ingredient. I honestly didn’t care (that much) that it wasn’t alcoholic as the taste was still fruity and slightly sour.
Only complaint was that it was expensive and it was in a can, which somewhat took away from the flavour with a metallic tang. They’re really me/venue problems though. Get it in a bottle from a supermarket if you can and you’re golden.
Peroni Zero - 3/5
Eh, it’s alright. It didn’t have the odd wheaty, bready flavour that some of the early alcohol-free beers had in the early days but it wasn’t recognisably Peroni. I could have swapped the bottle for a Birra Moretti and I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.
Mid pick, you can do both better and worse with this one for the price.
Old Mout Cider Pineapple & Raspberry - 2/5
Unfortunately this is the only one I tried as I didn’t have a chance to find and drink the others but I imagine they’re all very similar. Generally, it’s very very sweet. Maybe it’s because it’s not summer yet but I didn’t really enjoy the 2nd or 3rd bottle after the 1st as it became really sickly.
One is probably a good idea but generally it’s a pretty grim drink to try and stay on all night long.
Back to normal (thank fuck)
So yeah, that month was…something. I’m back to normal soon and since it’s mother’s day here on Sunday, I think a cute little hike through some nice country lanes and pubs might be a nice present for her.
Jokes aside, I am curious what you think about my review. Were there some key drinks I missed out? Am I wrong, stupid and dumb in my opinions of the ones I did try? Most likely you think I am if I know the people who follow this blog well enough.
Till next time friends.